Today, I will show you why feeling “alone” in your journey and transformation is not a real obstacle, but a necessary rite of passage on your way to building a life and business on your terms.

This matters more than you think because if you’re stuck waiting for guidance, craving accountability, or constantly hesitating because “you feel isolated,” you’re not just wasting time. You’re building a story that keeps you dependent, disempowered, and disconnected from the very freedom you say you want.

Once you shift how you relate to these false barriers, you’ll unlock a quieter confidence, the kind that allows you to keep moving even when no one’s watching and no one’s clapping.

Most people never get this far. They stay frozen. Not because they lack talent or ambition, but because they believe they need someone else to tell them what to do or to keep them on track.

I hear it constantly: “I feel so isolated. I wish I had guidance. I need someone to hold me accountable.”

And while it sounds like a reasonable concern, it’s usually just fear in disguise. A way to avoid taking real ownership. A way to stay safe by waiting.

The Uncomfortable Truth: This Journey Is Lonely - Because It’s Supposed to Be

Leaving a job. Starting over. Building something of your own. There’s no curriculum. No career counsellor. No HR onboarding packet to explain the steps.

And so when people start to break away from the 9–5 matrix and wander into the open space of redesigning their life and work, the very first feeling that hits is disorientation.

And that’s the point. Because redesigning your life isn’t about colouring inside the lines, it’s about becoming the kind of person who can draw the lines yourself.

That process will be lonely. But lonely doesn’t mean you have to suffer. It means you’re shedding layers. Identity scaffolding. Outdated scripts that no longer fit who you are becoming.

Solitude is part of metamorphosis. The caterpillar that turns into a butterfly doesn’t schedule accountability calls inside the cocoon.

Why You Don’t Need Guidance

When people say, “I just need someone to guide me,” what they usually mean is: “Please tell me what to do so I don’t mess this up.” And on the surface, that sounds like a reasonable request. Who wouldn’t want a map when facing uncertainty?

But here’s the catch: Guidance isn’t a substitute for ownership. And the version of guidance most people crave isn’t even real guidance. It’s permission-seeking in disguise. It’s a way to outsource decisions so they don’t have to face the fear of failure on their own terms.

In psychology, this is tied to external locus of control, the belief that your outcomes depend on forces outside yourself. But solopreneurship only works if you flip that switch.

You need an internal locus of control, the belief that your decisions, actions, and values shape your outcomes.

That doesn’t mean you don’t learn from others. But it means you don’t wait for someone else to bless your next move.

You don’t need guidance. You need clarity, and that comes from doing, not planning. And you need simple systems and habits that reduce decision fatigue and keep you close to your values, even when your motivation dips.

The Accountability Trap (and Why It Doesn’t Work)

The second thing people cling to when they feel stuck is accountability. They say, “If only I had someone to hold me accountable, I’d finally follow through.” Let’s unpack that. Most people try accountability in two ways:

• They get a friend involved (“Let’s check in every Sunday!”)

• Or they post a bold commitment on social media (“I’m building my thing this year—watch me!”)

But here’s what really happens:

• The friend forgets, or doesn’t take it seriously. You flake on the check-ins and feel ashamed.

• The social media post is buried in a feed no one even remembers two weeks later. Why? Because you weren’t doing it for you. You were hoping the pressure of being watched would motivate you.

But motivation doesn’t come from being watched. It comes from within—from a deep, personal commitment to your future self. You don’t need external accountability.

What you need is internal congruence. You need to stop being at war with yourself. And the most powerful way to create that? Adopt a new identity.

The Power of Identity: Who You Become Changes What You Do

Accountability says, “Do this or else.” Identity says, “This is what I do, because it’s who I am.”

This is backed by neuroscience. In the brain, habits that align with your identity are far more resilient than those based on external rewards or punishments. Why? Because your brain is always trying to reduce cognitive dissonance, the discomfort that comes from acting in a way that contradicts your self-image.

If you truly see yourself as someone who builds, who creates, who shows up, your actions will eventually follow that narrative.

Instead of asking for accountability, become the person your vision requires. And watch how quickly procrastination starts to fade, not because someone’s watching you, but because you are.

The Only Kind of Support That Actually Moves You Forward

Now that we’ve cleared up what you don’t need, let’s talk about the one thing that actually makes a difference: support.

But here’s the catch: most people misunderstand support, too. Support isn’t someone telling you what to do. It’s not someone nagging you to follow through. Real support is subtle, powerful, and rare. It’s someone who:

• Spots your blind spots without ego

• Sees your strengths when you can’t

• Offers perspective, not prescriptions

• Reminds you of your why, not your to-do list

And most importantly, genuine support never compromises your agency. It reinforces it.

But not everyone can offer this. Only 1 to 3 people in your life probably meet the bar. They must:

1. Know you well enough to understand your context

2. Care deeply about your growth, not their comfort

3. Know their stuff or have walked a similar path

Here’s another uncomfortable truth: most friends won’t qualify. Most family members definitely won’t. Not because they’re bad people, but because they often want you to stay the same. They know how to love who you’ve been, not who you’re becoming.

This is why a mentor or coach, if they meet the three criteria, can be transformational. They won’t save you. They will stand with you while you save yourself.

Momentum Over Motivation

Let’s bring in a concept from physics to ground this. Newton’s First Law of Motion:

An object in motion stays in motion unless acted on by an external force.

In human terms, it’s easier to keep going once you’ve started than to begin in the first place.

Most people wait for motivation. That’s like waiting for the wind to blow before you start paddling. But motivation is fickle.

What you want is momentum. And momentum doesn’t come from “guidance” or “accountability.”

It comes from action. Identity. Support. Systems. Start. Move. Build.

The wind shows up once you’ve set sail—not before.

Five Mindset Shifts That Break the Loop and Build Real Momentum

1. Trade guidance for clarity.
   You don’t need someone to tell you what to do. You need to take enough messy action to figure out what works for you.

2. Trade accountability for identity.
   You don’t need someone to check on you. You need to become someone who shows up because it’s who you are now.

3. Embrace solitude, reject isolation.
   This journey will feel lonely. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re in the process of transformation.

4. Find the proper support, not more support.
   Choose 1–3 people who know you, care about you, and have been where you’re going. Don’t crowdsource your courage.

5. Stop waiting for the wind. Start rowing.
   Momentum > motivation. Every step builds confidence. Start with what you can control, and your direction will sharpen as you go.

A final thought

Redesigning your life and work isn't a neat checklist. It's a deep, courageous rewrite of who you are and how you want to live.

• That doesn’t require more guidance. It requires more self-trust.

• That doesn’t require accountability. It requires alignment.

• And it doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone. Just that you have to own it.

If you're here reading this, you're already further along than you think. Keep going.

What’s next?

The other side is not too far. It's just a few mindset shifts away. To be precise, five mindset shifts away.

It's incredible how achievable that is.

The first step is not quitting your job or relocating to another city or country. Save that for later.

The first step to living and working on your terms is to fix your mindset.

To help you do it, I created the "5 Game-Changing Mindset Shifts For Success" video course --> https://stan.store/thepaulrise/p/unlock-your-full-potential-as-a-solopreneur

In this course, I show you how to make the 5 essential mindset shifts to overcome your self-blockages and thrive.

This is what you will learn and practice:

• The Power of Mindset

• The 5 Most Problematic Mindset Flaws

• How to overcome the Imposter Syndrome (versus self-doubt)

• How to embrace failure as a learning tool (versus fear of failure)

• How to cultivate a Growth Mindset (versus a static fixed mindset)

• How to boost your positivity (versus the negativity, which doesn't serve you)

• How to set healthy boundaries (versus being a people pleaser at work and life in general)

PLUS, you get a free PDF guide with 5 unconventional yet proven and effective exercises for practising the mindset shifts and preventing relapse.

Unlock the course, and shift from the despair and hopelessness of your self-limiting thinking to a healthy, high-flying, positive mindset that will empower you to break free and thrive --> https://stan.store/thepaulrise/

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