You breathe without consciously trying to. Breath is a function that the human body has largely automated. 

This is vital for survival as it allows the body to focus on other tasks without needing to consciously manage critical life-sustaining processes.

But is automation enough to help us thrive?

Our body has evolved so much that it has also developed mechanisms for voluntarily controlling the functions it has automated—like breathing.

Consider this. Can you hold your breath? Yes, you can. Can presenters or singers control their breath for activities like speaking and singing? Yes, they can. And when you do your morning run, can you increase your breathing to inhale more air into your lungs? Of course.

Evolution has allowed us to develop voluntary control systems that work parallel with automated mechanisms. To do that, the body performs higher brain functions.

This is not a letter about human biology. However, nature and how it functions and evolves often demonstrate that humans have the capacity and potential to achieve much more than breathing, eating, sleeping and reproducing.

Nature allows for both involuntary regulation and conscious control over life. Then why 99% of people choose the former?

In other words, why do most people rely on their default automated state to live and work when they can achieve much more?

Why do most people choose to survive but not thrive? Science gives a compelling answer.

The natural tendency towards inertia & energy conservation

Let’s put physics into the context. Inertia is defined as the resistance of an object to changes in its state of motion. According to this natural law, an object at rest will remain at rest unless an external force is applied. That’s resistance to change. In a psychological and business context, resistance to change is the primary factor opposing action and change. 

Studying change management at university during my Master's degree was one of the biggest revelations in my life. I realized that people and systems tend to remain as they are. That’s a natural tendency we can only overcome with intentional—and intense—action.

Another eye-opening perspective, taken from physics, is energy conservation. Like you and me, living systems tend to minimise unnecessary energy expenditure and optimise energy use.

Think of that in the context of your everyday life. Observe how you and others - like friends or colleagues - operate during the day. It’s apparent that we all naturally choose the option that requires the least energy.

And it’s precisely that concept modern society and business have been exploiting to make our lives easier. Removing friction to action is a primary concept in modern tap-and-go products and services. 

Are you hungry? You have it delivered with a few clicks. Fancy a movie? Your streaming services are just a button away. Do you have lust and sexual desire? A few swipes on an app can satisfy that urge. There are countless examples. 

Our lives become increasingly comfortable, driven by the desire for convenience and speed. We are conditioned to ask for and receive more for less (money, energy, time). This is easy and enjoyable—less discomfort, more joy. 

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t discard all those modern-life conveniences. The thing is that if you focus on convenience, your mind is conditioned for it. Thus, your choice range becomes more and more limited, and the quality of your choices deteriorates with time. Before you know it, you get addicted to inertia and automation. 

Your life runs on autopilot. Just like an aeroplane operating on autopilot, your life and work are automated and limited to what our modern “comfort culture” conditions you for:

• Follow a “predesigned” path, i.e. school, university, job, retirement.

• Maintain the status quo, i.e. what your parents, teachers, friends, colleagues, bosses, the media and any other social institution say.

• Don’t question and settle for a mediocre life and work, i.e. a life with no meaning, purpose or enjoyment.

Is working and living on autopilot that bad? Why should you strive for a good (better) life?

It’s bad. I can’t stress that enough, and trust me, I spiralled inside that rabbit hole until my late 30s. 

At school, I strived for top grades so I could go to a top university. Done.

At university, I strived for more top grades so I could get a good job. Done.

At work, I worked long hours to realise someone else’s dreams so I could earn good money—more money. Done.

And that was about it. Nothing more (like purpose, meaning, enjoyment) but nothing less than a constant struggle to tick the boxes others wanted me to do either.

Don’t get me wrong again. I don’t discard the value of parents, the education system, and social institutions in general per se.

However, the pressure to conform is immense, stalling personal growth and stripping you of the opportunities to live and work in a way that feels natural.

In addition, you slowly get addicted to conformity and fixate on achieving the goals others have set for you.

The thing is that you risk losing yourself along the way. I indeed lost myself along the way.

I was not content with my life and work. Nothing clicked right. I worked long hours in jobs that didn’t give me joy and then struggled to fit everything else (like personal care, friends, family, romance, travels, and hobbies) in the remaining few hours of my days.

It felt like a constant sprint with no starting point or clearly defined destination. That had severe implications: bad habits to fill the void, addictions, health issues, emotional stagnation, and mental blockages, to name a few.

That was a bad life. Retrospecting today, I understand I did not have values to guide my life. Everything was on autopilot. I strived to control things that were beyond my control. I got addicted to living either in the past (what I did wrong) or the future (how much I can achieve). Everything was complicated, a mess, deep into stress and anxiety, disorder and chaos.

Since childhood, I have had an inherent curiosity and desire for a good life—a life that ticked my boxes. I lost sight of this along the way.

I decided to change all that in my late 30s—an early midlife crisis. I could no longer live and work on autopilot. What I suppressed for a long time came back to the surface.

On a sunny January day, I felt I couldn’t breathe. No matter how hard I tried, both my breathing mechanisms (automated and conscious) did not seem to work, and panic kicked in. Ι rushed to the hospital and was thoroughly examined—tests upon tests did not show anything. The doctors were puzzled and sent me home with an explicit instruction: “Take it easy and relax”. 

Dreams, goals, and passions that had been suppressed for a long time resurfaced and suffocated me because I could not look them in the eyes and say, “I see you, and I hear you!” I could not face them because I had betrayed them.

Dreams, goals, and passions can lead you to a good life. But what does that mean? Is there a good life in reality? Or is it just another utopia?

The ancient Stoic philosophers have a compelling answer to that question. They had articulated a profound understanding of the good life.

The cornerstone of human flourishing is virtue - wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. True happiness is derived from internal qualities (like the ones above) and not from external factors like wealth, fame, or pleasure.

Good life VS default survival mode

Let’s delve into those four qualities above. It’s fascinating how ancient wisdom can be applied to modern life and problems. Perhaps the same issues existed (in one way or another) back then, too.

Wisdom can help you use logic and reasoning to solve your problems and make good choices.

Courage can help you make difficult but necessary choices and navigate their execution.

Justice can help you be fair to yourself and others and have compassion and empathy.

Temperance can help you boost self-control and self-restraint away from the things our modern culture makes you addicted to.

The pathway to a Good Life, according to the Stoics, included:

• Making conscious choices (vs unconscious, involuntary decisions, driven by the autopilot mode)

• Staying true to your values (vs betraying them for the sake of the next shiny object or social demand)

• Living more fully in the present (vs preparing for a better future life that may never come)

• Living in the moment (vs getting stuck with regrets about the past or anxieties about the future)

That’s a Good Life, yes.

But how can someone break free from the autopilot/survival mode and start working towards that life?

3 actionable steps to get you ahead of 99% of people

If you do the following three things in that exact order, your life will change radically because you will start focusing on what matters the most: 

• Meaning and purpose

• Sustainable growth 

• Enjoyment

You need all three elements to live and work in a way that will eventually feel natural to you and that you will enjoy.

Step 1: Discover what you DON’T like

One of the biggest challenges and obstacles to breaking free from autopilot mode is not knowing what you like and your passions so that you can pursue them.

That’s natural. I had the same experience myself. I wanted to break free but did not know how and with what. Since I was a child, I’ve never had one passion or interest. I have been a generalist since an early age. My inherent curiosity (all humans have it) led me to many different paths. 

When I grew up and reflected on my lack of one specific passion, I thought I was drawn to the next shimmy object. However, that was not the case.

In reality, I wanted to explore many different areas of life—from cosmology and psychology to marketing and biology and everything in between—and connect the dots—no wonder I couldn’t associate myself with any one passion. I was a curious generalist.

However, generalism poses a risk: you don’t know what to pick if asked by life or the circumstances. There’s a shortcut, though.

Start with what you DON’T like and take it from there. To do that, you need to harness the power of negative emotions.

Negative energy and emotions are powerful forces. You can use them to achieve positive outcomes if you leverage them towards constructive action.

Unfortunately, modern culture and society prioritise positive emotions and experiences so much that they no longer feel natural. We have to be happy and content ALL THE TIME.

However, negative emotions and energy are part of life and human existence.

As the Stoic philosophers preached, the only thing you can control is your mind - how you think and approach things.

Approaching negative emotions from a place of curiosity allows you to harness their power towards a positive outcome.

When I decided that a 9-5 job was not fulfilling, my instinct was to go after what I truly liked to do.

That was the problem. I had only a faint idea of what I wanted to do that could give my life meaning and a purpose.

I struggled to crystallise my next step. Would that be marketing, content marketing or online business? Would I focus on building a one-person business or become a coach? 

What about freelancing?

Suddenly, all the options (some of which I had rejected before) fell again on the table.

I became so overwhelmed and frustrated at some point that I decided to try another radical approach.

What was it that I despised doing? What would my not-ideal day look like? How can I not see myself in 5 or 10 years from now?

Many people become solopreneurs because they want to pursue their passion. What if there's no “passion”?

If we accept that assumption, finding your passion is a hopeless quest. How can you go after something that doesn't exist?

If you feel more like a generalist, there seems to be no one passion to pursue. However, your uniqueness lies precisely in that.

Delving into many different areas of life, subjects, and topics creates unique perspectives and knowledge that can be applied to existing life and business problems and sparks creativity.

If you struggle to find what you like, start with what you DON'T like and move backwards until you solidify your quests, meaning, and purpose.

Negative emotions can become a catalyst for positive change.

Step 2: Cut all ties with what you DON’T like

When you complete Step 1, you may find yourself in an awkward position where there’s a long list of things you don’t like.

That’s normal. At that point, it’s crucial to remember that the scope of this process is to help you navigate the maze your mindset created. That maze has many dead-ends, and that’s why you struggle to find the way to the exit.

Don’t panic, and don’t let yourself become intimidated. Clarity never misses the mark. The path to clarity is a thorny one, but once there, your perspective will change, and suddenly, a whole world of possibilities will open up in front of your eyes.

Now that you know what you don’t like, you see the vision that doesn’t resonate with you. You see the things that no longer serve you because they are not aligned with your values, vision, and goals in life and work.

Cut them off—one by one (or all together if you prefer bolder action). Take them out of your mind if you had them guide you and out of your life if you already have pursued and achieved some of them.

Note that at this point, fear will kick in. Fear is inherent in clarity-creating processes. It’s a natural urge to protect yourself from the unknown. Call it the survival instinct.

Fear is a protection mechanism written in our DNA as humans. It has developed since the early days of humanity when our ancestors lived a precarious life. The world was full of dangers—real dangers like wild animals, powerful natural forces, and poisonous plants.

Most of those dangers still exist today, but the human race has evolved and progressed so much that they no longer pose a risk to human life in most circumstances.

However, fear as a protection and coping mechanism has remained coded in our DNA.

So, it’s totally normal to feel scared as you cut ties. The pressure from within (mindset) or outside (society) will be enormous. A little voice in your head will keep repeating, “Let’s keep it this way. No need to change!”. 

Resistance to change is a powerful force in any system. It creates friction and, in the case of human behaviour, sparks procrastination because it causes discomfort. 

No one loves discomfort. Some daring people may pursue it, but 99.9% of humans tend to avoid it. That’s also normal because it’s part of our DNA (energy conservation, survival instinct). 

Systems change not only through positive action (doing something) but also through negative action (stopping doing something). One of the most important change management frameworks outlines the following 3 steps as a surefire process to implement change effectively:

• Unfreeze

• Change 

• Refreeze

You are still in the unfreeze stage. Resistance to change, fear, and friction will kick in.

During this stage, you will need to stop old habits that no longer serve you and fight your addictions. You may be surprised, but think this: if you’ve lived and worked your whole life (or most of your life) doing things you don’t like, chances are they have become habits (bad ones) or even addictions. 

Here are some examples.

Working a 9-5 job has conditioned your mind that it’s the only safe option for employment and income.

Pleasing others to get their approval (whether in social situations or work) is a bad habit that prevents one from focusing on what matters to them. It also tricks one's body’s reward mechanism and releases dopamine (for all the wrong reasons).

Hiding your introverted nature from others (relationships, social interactions, work) is an addiction. It feels good because others (primarily extroverted people) reward you for adapting to their nature and way of doing things.

The list is endless.

Bad habits and addictions to things you don’t like and no longer serve you need to be cut off. 

If you do that, with time, your reward mechanism will release dopamine and make you feel good (and proud) for scrapping the things in your I DON’T LIKE list.

That will open up time, energy, and headspace for you to focus on what truly matters to you.

Step 3: Do all the (seemingly) boring stuff to level up

At this point, you are free of things that held you back for good, and you are good to go with the real thing that can have the most significant impact on your life.

You may also want to execute this step while still executing the previous one. That’s also fine, and it works. It’s your call, depending on how much you can handle. I would recommend investing no less than 70% of your resources in Step 2 (cutting off ties with old habits and addictions) and no more than 30% in Step 3. 

Getting rid of things you don’t like is crucial, so don’t jeopardise that.

Now that you have scrapped most or all of the things that don’t belong in your vision, dreams, and goals, you are left with a few things you would want to bring into your life and work.

For example, if you don’t like to work at a 9-5 job realising someone else’s dreams and goals, you are prepped to become independent and work solo.

If you don’t like living on autopilot doing the things everyone does, you are set for curious explorations, like new interests, hobbies, opportunities for learning and growth.

If you don’t like pretending you are an extroverted person and acting like one—draining your energy every single moment—you are on the path of self-acceptance and are prepped for behaving in a way that feels natural to your needs without regrets or guilt.

The agenda now shifts from negative to positive, from negative emotions and actions (dislikes, cutting off ties) to positive (desires, intentional action).

However, there’s a considerable risk here: resting assured that simply knowing what you desire will make that happen.

Action and execution are vital.

Most people feel good about their decisions about their new priorities and lives but ignore the most crucial factor in the success equation: ACTION.

It’s essential to understand that without intentional action, day in and day out, no desire will come to fruition, and no real change will occur.

The next question that pops up naturally is, “Where do I start? I am clueless!”. If you’ve come this far, kudos. That’s crucial. 

The only process that will support your transition is to break down the things you want to change or master into specific knowledge and skills you need to acquire.

You need the knowledge to connect the dots and the skills to execute that consistently.

However, most of that stuff seems boring because you go from the fundamentals up. The fundamentals are always dull; you may feel that you already know some of them (not true) or that they waste your time and energy.

When you make significant changes and want to master the new essential skills, you must start from scratch to lay the foundations and grow as you go.

That tedious stage is a prerequisite for growth, and you can’t avoid it if you want to solidify your new vision and act on it.

For example, if you decide to become a solopreneur, content marketing is an essential skill. You need to learn the content fundamentals and vigorously develop your writing skills. 

Suppose you decide to accept your introversion and embrace it throughout your daily life and work. In that case, you need to study the biology behind it (boring science for many) and practice small daily self-acceptance tasks day in and day out.

Most people want shortcuts - how to skip the boring stuff necessary when they start any new path.

I recently started learning the piano, which was a first for me. Although I have always had an affinity for music, I have never had any close interaction with a piano.

On the first day with my teacher, I was told I could play my first part in one year. Until then, I had to learn the fundamentals, from A to Z, and practice every part of the skills necessary for playing music on the piano.

“A whole year? Do I have to wait that long until I can play? And do all the boring stuff in between? Pfff!”. That was my initial reaction. It’s normal because our human brains are wired to discover shortcuts.

Over the next week, I processed and reflected on those words and thoughts. I had to do it. When I started learning the theory and familiarised myself with the piano, it struck me that “Yes, I need to do the boring stuff and enjoy this process!”.

Whatever you need to learn and master, doing the boring stuff that most people don’t will give you a head start and get you ahead of them - it’s not a race to compete in or win, but it’s about positive change, personal achievements and growth.

During my journeys—from fundamental changes like going solo to new activities like playing the piano—I’ve employed the following 5 techniques, which worked wonders.

1. Embrace boredom. Acknowledging that it’s part of the growth process can significantly reduce resistance to those tasks. That’s crucial because the more you fight it, the more it will fight back.

2. Rewire your brain. Our brains can change and adapt. That’s called neuroplasticity. The more you train those muscles with seemingly dull and repetitive stuff, the more neural pathways will be created to support deep learning and create new habits that will get you far.

3. Set clear goals. Outline what you want to achieve with those tedious tasks and visualise success. How will it be after you’ve mastered them? How far in your journey can they get you?

4. Create new habits and routines and make them enjoyable. Combine them with something you like (I love listening to music when I learn new things), and take some time for self-care when you finish the session. Feel proud of yourself and take a deep breath. 

5. Transform boredom-induced frustration into positive action. Those boring tasks may irritate you as your brain seeks a shortcut. Remind yourself of the big goal and the bigger picture, and use that force to propel you further.

In this journey, consistency is a must if you want to master the boring stuff quickly and get on with the main part of your big plan towards transformation. Accountability can fuel that consistency. Share your plans and goals with someone you trust who can keep you accountable with regular check-ins.

Now what? Patience.

Patience is a virtue. Growth and success will need some time. Sometimes, it will be a long time until you reach breakthroughs. Other times, it may be shorter. In any case, it won’t happen overnight.

Keep in mind that the process you are about to undergo is long. It will consume much of your resources (time and energy) and require consistent and intentional action to produce visible results.

Rewire your mindset for the long run. Short-term execution plans are fine and necessary, but be cautious so you don’t get fixated on the end result (whatever that might be in your case).

Be patient and give time to solidify any small or big change. Don’t rush things. You may have waited for long to see your life and work change in such a fundamental way, but it was worth it.

Be present and enjoy every step of the way. 

Celebrate small wins, and remember that small incremental changes bring significant progress over time. 

Stay flexible and adaptive to reduce frustration when things don’t go as planned (part of the process).

If this letter resonates with you or can resonate with anyone you know, spread the love.

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